It started as a small spot. My eyes went right to it. A small PURPLE drop...on my couch. 100% PURPLE grape juice. Terror struck my bones as my eyes were drawn to another splotch on the couch pillow...Then to the horizontal blinds....then to the floor...then to the coffee table legs.....Sweet Mother of Colonel Munster!
The kids...with sippy cups...running free in my house. What horrors have they unleashed? I found the culprits down stairs, playing with cars, dinosaurs & Polly Pockets...their sippy cups lay on the carpet. Calmly I told them sippy cups must remain upstairs. They pretended not to hear me & I walked away with the blood pounding in my head.
Upstairs...more carnage. 100% PURPLE grape juice trailed down the hall. The juice was splattered up my door. "How the he$$ did that happened?" I studied the door & imagined the CSI team reenacting how the juice was flung & at what velocity. My room....juice splashed up the wall, closet door & on my bed spread. Little sprays of juice...as if some one had stabbed a chicken as it flew around the room.
Not done....
My daughter's bedroom...on the blankets, the clump of cloths on the floor, pillow case & the bed skirt (really, the bed skirt? How did that happen?!)
Holding back tears I stomped through the house dropping all kinds of F bombs & muttering under my breath all sorts of words that would make my merchant marine father quite proud. Only to pull the mask of composure over my face when a stray 2 year old wandered upstairs to get a snack
I set to work cleaning the offending stains. Much to my relief... most of the juice can out. All thanks to praying, swearing, cursing, cold water, hydrogen peroxide, spray in wash, more swearing & Oxyclean. The walls & doors are permanently stained...but as long as I don't look at them, I can't see the stains!
At lunch I made a point not to serve the kidlets 100% PURPLE grape juice or put anything in sippy cups. The juice was safe in the fridge, where it could harm no more...or could it?
Note to self....when you hear a little voice in your head saying "Hey.....heyyyyy, throw away the juice! Pour it down the drain...do it nowwwwwww"
Don't ignore it
You will regret it
BADLY
Listen to the voice!
But that's a story for another day.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
I hate school free days!
I'm hiding again. Huddled in the basement w/ the computer trying not to scream. I'm not good at this thing called motherhood. I'm not good at being the helpful neighbor.
Ya know, you grow up thinking you'll be this way or that. I'll be patient. I'll be caring. I'll be a great leader. But then I grew up. I became none of those things. What I became was a girl, raging in the basement at the fact that the neighbor kid is eating all my food & there is not enough room in the freak'n kitchen for 7 people to get their lunch ready!
My husband & I always said that we wanted OUR house to be the neighborhood hang out. We wanted to keep an eye on the kids. We wanted to be involved in the neighborhood.
But now....I want all the kids OUT!
They eat my food because their parents don't feed them. They make so much noise I fear the rest of the neighborhood hates me. I feel like I'm being pushed out of my own house! I can't even get to the fridge to feed my OWN kids!
I'm not like this all the time. But summer comes & I pray for the chance to move far out into the country...where no one can run through my house & eat all my food!
So whats a mom to do? I crave solitude. i thrive on calm & silence (note to self, you want quiet...don't pop out 4 kids!) But I also know that I'm suppose to be welcoming & supportive to the neighborhood.....I'm just tired of being the ONLY one! So I set up rules. No kids Tuesday & Thursday. Use walky talkies to keep in touch when you play around the neighborhood. 2 quite hours happen everyday. Don't go into this house or that house, they like to watch porn. Be mindful of the neighbors. Don't scream at the top of your lungs till your eyes bleed. Don't do this, Do that...bla, bla bla.
But some days...rules break down. I break down. 2 many kids. 2 dirty of a house. 2 many neighbors that don't give a crap about their kids. No place to hide.
I can't wait till next school season!
Ya know, you grow up thinking you'll be this way or that. I'll be patient. I'll be caring. I'll be a great leader. But then I grew up. I became none of those things. What I became was a girl, raging in the basement at the fact that the neighbor kid is eating all my food & there is not enough room in the freak'n kitchen for 7 people to get their lunch ready!
My husband & I always said that we wanted OUR house to be the neighborhood hang out. We wanted to keep an eye on the kids. We wanted to be involved in the neighborhood.
But now....I want all the kids OUT!
They eat my food because their parents don't feed them. They make so much noise I fear the rest of the neighborhood hates me. I feel like I'm being pushed out of my own house! I can't even get to the fridge to feed my OWN kids!
I'm not like this all the time. But summer comes & I pray for the chance to move far out into the country...where no one can run through my house & eat all my food!
So whats a mom to do? I crave solitude. i thrive on calm & silence (note to self, you want quiet...don't pop out 4 kids!) But I also know that I'm suppose to be welcoming & supportive to the neighborhood.....I'm just tired of being the ONLY one! So I set up rules. No kids Tuesday & Thursday. Use walky talkies to keep in touch when you play around the neighborhood. 2 quite hours happen everyday. Don't go into this house or that house, they like to watch porn. Be mindful of the neighbors. Don't scream at the top of your lungs till your eyes bleed. Don't do this, Do that...bla, bla bla.
But some days...rules break down. I break down. 2 many kids. 2 dirty of a house. 2 many neighbors that don't give a crap about their kids. No place to hide.
I can't wait till next school season!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Dirty blood, baited breath & asking ...."Does this kidney make me look fat?"
On Monday, a mother of 2 boys tumbled down a bunny slope somewhere in Canada. After her tumble she bounced up & walked back to her room, shooing away any help, probably embarrassed of the tumble. By Monday night just a few hours after her fall, her brain was dead, her body carefully kept alive by beeping machines, pumping her blood & pushing air into her lungs.
This wife,mother of 2 boys, brilliant actress Natasha Richardson was flown into New York to die with family crushing around her. Wednesday she was declared officially dead.
Yesterday a mother died.
Yesterday, my great friend of 19 years received a call..."we found a kidney for you."
Yesterday, hopefully my great friend had a bright, shiny, healthy kidney tucked into her body. A kidney that was donated by someone who just recently died. Someone who was loved, someone who's death crushed the joy out of friends and family. I'd like to think Mrs. Natasha Richardson gave her kidney to my friend. My friend is all drama, flair & kindness. Natasha Richardson's kidney would be quite at home in my friend!
Of course we may never know who gave my friend her new kidney. I doubt it was Natasha Richardson. I don't even know if she was a organ donor. But someone was. I hope that persons family get a sliver of pride & happiness knowing the death of their loved one is not in vain. As rehearsed as it sounds...the truth is...a piece of their loved one lives on in a vibrant, funny, intense, passionate, faithful, friendly, kick-ass women. Someone who will treat their new kidney with kindness. Someone who might even give a pet name to their new little organ. I hate that people have to die, to give others life. But I will be eternally grateful to those who choose organ donation.
I sit here now with baited breath. Waiting to hear how the surgery went. Waiting to hear if the kidney was really put into her. Once, a few years ago, she got "the call". Rushed her into surgery, cut her open & the Dr. mistakenly thought she had cancerous growths on the site & didn't put in the kidney. Yeah...that sucked! But now....right now she might be drugged up with a new kidney. I can only hope & wait.
Hopefully my friend will have a kidney that decides to stay awhile. Then she can ask me (after her body swells to a nice plump from all the steroids she will have to take for the rest of her life) "Does this kidney make my ass look fat?"
Hopefully I can say "It sure does make it look phat! You wear that kidney well my friend."
This wife,mother of 2 boys, brilliant actress Natasha Richardson was flown into New York to die with family crushing around her. Wednesday she was declared officially dead.
Yesterday a mother died.
Yesterday, my great friend of 19 years received a call..."we found a kidney for you."
Yesterday, hopefully my great friend had a bright, shiny, healthy kidney tucked into her body. A kidney that was donated by someone who just recently died. Someone who was loved, someone who's death crushed the joy out of friends and family. I'd like to think Mrs. Natasha Richardson gave her kidney to my friend. My friend is all drama, flair & kindness. Natasha Richardson's kidney would be quite at home in my friend!
Of course we may never know who gave my friend her new kidney. I doubt it was Natasha Richardson. I don't even know if she was a organ donor. But someone was. I hope that persons family get a sliver of pride & happiness knowing the death of their loved one is not in vain. As rehearsed as it sounds...the truth is...a piece of their loved one lives on in a vibrant, funny, intense, passionate, faithful, friendly, kick-ass women. Someone who will treat their new kidney with kindness. Someone who might even give a pet name to their new little organ. I hate that people have to die, to give others life. But I will be eternally grateful to those who choose organ donation.
I sit here now with baited breath. Waiting to hear how the surgery went. Waiting to hear if the kidney was really put into her. Once, a few years ago, she got "the call". Rushed her into surgery, cut her open & the Dr. mistakenly thought she had cancerous growths on the site & didn't put in the kidney. Yeah...that sucked! But now....right now she might be drugged up with a new kidney. I can only hope & wait.
Hopefully my friend will have a kidney that decides to stay awhile. Then she can ask me (after her body swells to a nice plump from all the steroids she will have to take for the rest of her life) "Does this kidney make my ass look fat?"
Hopefully I can say "It sure does make it look phat! You wear that kidney well my friend."
Monday, March 2, 2009
Bite my crunch!
A few weeks ago I experienced a rude drive-by-shout-out. Ya know, a drive-by...when someone walks past you saying something stupid to you. They then keep on walking because they don't have the balls to "argue" their point.
Let me set the scene. I was in Wal-Mart shopping for paper products for a dance/ chili cook off event. I have been planning parties for large groups of people for 4 years now. I know what works & I know what doesn't work. Paper plates....don't work. Styrofoam plates...do work. Imagine this. A room filled with up to 180 people. Most of these people are children. Now, place a paper plate filled w/ food into the hands of these 180 people & see what happens. Can you see it? Food plopping to the ground. I have seen it, I have cleaned it & I have cried over it. So for my budget, Styrofoam plates & bowls always win. My budget doesn't allow me to buy 20 tough paper plates for the price of 200 Styrofoam plates.
So know you know me & my thinking system. When people are butt holes & do a drive-by-shout-outs, they don't know the person or what their thinking process is. That's why drive-bys are the product of rude morons who couldn't think their way out of a Styrofoam cup!
So I'm minding my own business, filling my cart w/ things I will need. 200 spoons, 200 cups, 200 Styrofoam bowls"humm should I get the small plates or big? Hummm well if...."
"YA KNOW PAPER IS BETTER FOR THE ENVIRONMENT! YOU SHOULDN'T BUY STYROFOAM. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT!"
I looked up to see mister butt hole & his goggling eyed girlfriend speeding away sneering at me over their shoulder. So I LOUDLY replied "Hey honey, when YOU feed 200 people & YOU clean up after 200 people, YOU would realise that Styrofoam works way better the paper. Oh & like I would take environment advice for a dude who shops at
WAL-MART!"
Idiot!
What I really wanted to say, but didn't have time to was.
"Hey jack smack, You don't want to mess w/ my crunch, because I will out crunch you. So ya wanna play this game do ya?
Well, did you know that my family of 6 probably produces less trash then you & your girlfriend combine. We put one, 35 gallon garbage pail out every week....did I mentioned I have 6 in my family...you do know how to count right? Or did you learn for liberal puppets about "how to save the Earth" & we all know they come from the school of " do what I say, not as I do"
I garden & freeze my produce.
I shop at Goodwill & donate to Goodwill. I also have a clothing circle for my kids cloths. My friends pass clothing back & forth to each other like kids pass colds.
I compost
I recycle
I breastfed all 4 of my kids.
I cloth diapered 2 of those kids.
I used homemade cloth wipes to wipe their baby butts.
I home birthed 2 of those kids. Not much waste from that. one small garbage bag of trash was all that was left..unlike a hospital birth that produces huge amounts of waste from 1 birth.
I used cloth pads...yeah, ya heard me. Top THAT you jerk. Oh I see your girlfriend getting wobbly, "What honey, you can't handle the thought of washing out pads? But think of all that landfill you generate each year by your products because your too scared of get'n down & natural. You probably don't want to know what I did with the soak water...that's too much for the widdle nature girl to handle."
Listen, I love the environment. I have been recycling ever since I was a teen. In fact I DRIVE my recycling to drop spots because my town doesn't pick it up. I can't stand Al Gore, I can't stand talking heads, I can't stand liberal, family hating freaks, I can't stand dudes who shout out to me in WAL-MART that I should not buy Styrofoam!
Funny thing is...I don't really care what you do. If your recycle, fine. If you bottle feed, fine. If you hate Goodwill, fine. If you throw out mounds of garbage, fine. God has given us this Earth to care for. We are doing a so-so job at it.(Try living in New York circa 1880. You want filth & pollution...please honey, 2009 we are living in the cleanest environment ever...learn some history...ooo I forgot, liberals don't teach real history) But I do feel we will only get better at reducing waste, clean energy (sorry, there is no such thing) supporting local farmers. Down sizing our frivolous spending. etc, etc.
Do one one thing that will help your environment & then do one even better.
Help those around you. Be kind to those around you. We spend so much time telling people what to do for the Earth we have lost the importance of people & good manners. So drive-by-fool, your momma would be ashamed of you. Don't be rude to me or others & maybe, just maybe I won't put you in your place in front of your girlfriend.
Now go wipe your ass that I just handed to you with a cloth wipe!
Let me set the scene. I was in Wal-Mart shopping for paper products for a dance/ chili cook off event. I have been planning parties for large groups of people for 4 years now. I know what works & I know what doesn't work. Paper plates....don't work. Styrofoam plates...do work. Imagine this. A room filled with up to 180 people. Most of these people are children. Now, place a paper plate filled w/ food into the hands of these 180 people & see what happens. Can you see it? Food plopping to the ground. I have seen it, I have cleaned it & I have cried over it. So for my budget, Styrofoam plates & bowls always win. My budget doesn't allow me to buy 20 tough paper plates for the price of 200 Styrofoam plates.
So know you know me & my thinking system. When people are butt holes & do a drive-by-shout-outs, they don't know the person or what their thinking process is. That's why drive-bys are the product of rude morons who couldn't think their way out of a Styrofoam cup!
So I'm minding my own business, filling my cart w/ things I will need. 200 spoons, 200 cups, 200 Styrofoam bowls"humm should I get the small plates or big? Hummm well if...."
"YA KNOW PAPER IS BETTER FOR THE ENVIRONMENT! YOU SHOULDN'T BUY STYROFOAM. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT!"
I looked up to see mister butt hole & his goggling eyed girlfriend speeding away sneering at me over their shoulder. So I LOUDLY replied "Hey honey, when YOU feed 200 people & YOU clean up after 200 people, YOU would realise that Styrofoam works way better the paper. Oh & like I would take environment advice for a dude who shops at
WAL-MART!"
Idiot!
What I really wanted to say, but didn't have time to was.
"Hey jack smack, You don't want to mess w/ my crunch, because I will out crunch you. So ya wanna play this game do ya?
Well, did you know that my family of 6 probably produces less trash then you & your girlfriend combine. We put one, 35 gallon garbage pail out every week....did I mentioned I have 6 in my family...you do know how to count right? Or did you learn for liberal puppets about "how to save the Earth" & we all know they come from the school of " do what I say, not as I do"
I garden & freeze my produce.
I shop at Goodwill & donate to Goodwill. I also have a clothing circle for my kids cloths. My friends pass clothing back & forth to each other like kids pass colds.
I compost
I recycle
I breastfed all 4 of my kids.
I cloth diapered 2 of those kids.
I used homemade cloth wipes to wipe their baby butts.
I home birthed 2 of those kids. Not much waste from that. one small garbage bag of trash was all that was left..unlike a hospital birth that produces huge amounts of waste from 1 birth.
I used cloth pads...yeah, ya heard me. Top THAT you jerk. Oh I see your girlfriend getting wobbly, "What honey, you can't handle the thought of washing out pads? But think of all that landfill you generate each year by your products because your too scared of get'n down & natural. You probably don't want to know what I did with the soak water...that's too much for the widdle nature girl to handle."
Listen, I love the environment. I have been recycling ever since I was a teen. In fact I DRIVE my recycling to drop spots because my town doesn't pick it up. I can't stand Al Gore, I can't stand talking heads, I can't stand liberal, family hating freaks, I can't stand dudes who shout out to me in WAL-MART that I should not buy Styrofoam!
Funny thing is...I don't really care what you do. If your recycle, fine. If you bottle feed, fine. If you hate Goodwill, fine. If you throw out mounds of garbage, fine. God has given us this Earth to care for. We are doing a so-so job at it.(Try living in New York circa 1880. You want filth & pollution...please honey, 2009 we are living in the cleanest environment ever...learn some history...ooo I forgot, liberals don't teach real history) But I do feel we will only get better at reducing waste, clean energy (sorry, there is no such thing) supporting local farmers. Down sizing our frivolous spending. etc, etc.
Do one one thing that will help your environment & then do one even better.
Help those around you. Be kind to those around you. We spend so much time telling people what to do for the Earth we have lost the importance of people & good manners. So drive-by-fool, your momma would be ashamed of you. Don't be rude to me or others & maybe, just maybe I won't put you in your place in front of your girlfriend.
Now go wipe your ass that I just handed to you with a cloth wipe!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Strange dinner conversation
This conversation happened a few nights ago in our house. Yes, we sometimes bribe our 3 year old to eat. The older kids get threats, but the 3 year old...bribes all the way!
"Sweety, if you don't eat your dinner you can't have a bite of snake."
Sweety "I wantttt snakeeeee!"
"you have to eat first, no dinner, no snake."
Sweety "I wanttt snakeeeee!"
"Eating the snake with no dinner in your tummy, will make your tummy hurt."
Sweety "I want a bite of snakeeee!"
Eat your dinner or NO SNAKE.
"ok, I eat dinner. Eat snake?"
Sweety gets her snake
"Sweety, if you don't eat your dinner you can't have a bite of snake."
Sweety "I wantttt snakeeeee!"
"you have to eat first, no dinner, no snake."
Sweety "I wanttt snakeeeee!"
"Eating the snake with no dinner in your tummy, will make your tummy hurt."
Sweety "I want a bite of snakeeee!"
Eat your dinner or NO SNAKE.
"ok, I eat dinner. Eat snake?"
Sweety gets her snake
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Shanty Town fun
Let me just say....my dishwasher is lovely! Oh happy day when my beloved dishwasher was installed! Everything went fine & dandy. No dirt or plumber crack was left behind. Mister Dishwasher Man even took away my old, broken down dishwasher (hopefully it went to a chop shop so some parts could be salvaged & sold...can't stand the fact that it was unceremoniously dumped in the landfill!)
Not only did I receive my new dishwasher...but something else was given to me. Something so grand & so special I almost hug Mister Dishwasher Man when he offered it to me. Behold....................
THE BOX
My son playing video games from the safety of THE BOX
The girls sleeping in THE BOX
Decorating her new digs.
This is why childhood is great. You can get pleasure from the simplest things in life....& then you can fight over it with your siblings until your wicked mother puts THE BOX in time out!
Not only did I receive my new dishwasher...but something else was given to me. Something so grand & so special I almost hug Mister Dishwasher Man when he offered it to me. Behold....................
THE BOX
My son playing video games from the safety of THE BOX
The girls sleeping in THE BOX
Decorating her new digs.
This is why childhood is great. You can get pleasure from the simplest things in life....& then you can fight over it with your siblings until your wicked mother puts THE BOX in time out!Tuesday, February 3, 2009
9 weeks
9 weeks.....Nine weeks....IX weeks. I am nueve weeks..........
without a blasted dishwasher! But as we speak, a strange man is standing in my kitchen (grunting...& not the good grunting, the "sh&% this ain't working" grunting!) installing my new, better be working dishwasher.
He just came down to ask me if I was sold a water line....um...no I was sold a dishwasher & you better make it work or I will bust a cap. Do NOT mess with me! 9 freak'n weeks hand washing dishes for a family of 6 has made me a very violent person. I hand washed Christmas plates for goodness sakes. MAKE IT WORK! MAKE IT WORK NOW!
I'm a girl who likes the slow life. I fought against things like computeres & CD players for years. I was horrified when my dad bought me a CD player when I was 16. Aghasted at modern technology! I would not have that garbage in my house! Note...I was 16, no children & living with my Dad...who was never home. I ran the dishwasher once a week...no joke! I have learned that I really like having a 21 century home. I don't need a dishwasher...I just proved that these last 9 weeks. But dang it, I WANT it!
Some women would have the ability to take it as it comes, to enjoy the steady work & the quiet (my kids scattered when I did the dishes) Yeah...those women are rare, annoying & luckily few in between! But in the end, when it was necessary, I was able to stand at my sink & clean. Plunging my rubberized hands into scalding, soapy water. Scrapping the remains of the day away. Breathing in the lemony soap & thinking of women before me leaning over their sink & doing the same things for their family.
Ah yes, it was magical. For nine weeks I picked up a old time routine, revisited the past & I must admit......
I HATED EVERY DAMN MINUTE OF IT!
Uggg! That dishwasher better working mister or I will hunt you down & scrub you in my sink of nightmares!
Ol' timing it!
Do you like my glorified dish drying rack? At least it was good for something!
without a blasted dishwasher! But as we speak, a strange man is standing in my kitchen (grunting...& not the good grunting, the "sh&% this ain't working" grunting!) installing my new, better be working dishwasher.
He just came down to ask me if I was sold a water line....um...no I was sold a dishwasher & you better make it work or I will bust a cap. Do NOT mess with me! 9 freak'n weeks hand washing dishes for a family of 6 has made me a very violent person. I hand washed Christmas plates for goodness sakes. MAKE IT WORK! MAKE IT WORK NOW!
I'm a girl who likes the slow life. I fought against things like computeres & CD players for years. I was horrified when my dad bought me a CD player when I was 16. Aghasted at modern technology! I would not have that garbage in my house! Note...I was 16, no children & living with my Dad...who was never home. I ran the dishwasher once a week...no joke! I have learned that I really like having a 21 century home. I don't need a dishwasher...I just proved that these last 9 weeks. But dang it, I WANT it!
Some women would have the ability to take it as it comes, to enjoy the steady work & the quiet (my kids scattered when I did the dishes) Yeah...those women are rare, annoying & luckily few in between! But in the end, when it was necessary, I was able to stand at my sink & clean. Plunging my rubberized hands into scalding, soapy water. Scrapping the remains of the day away. Breathing in the lemony soap & thinking of women before me leaning over their sink & doing the same things for their family.
Ah yes, it was magical. For nine weeks I picked up a old time routine, revisited the past & I must admit......
I HATED EVERY DAMN MINUTE OF IT!
Uggg! That dishwasher better working mister or I will hunt you down & scrub you in my sink of nightmares!
Ol' timing it!
Do you like my glorified dish drying rack? At least it was good for something!
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