For the most part I see them all around....kind of...if I'm in a decent mood.
But then I get pissy.
My eyes are crap.
My house won't sell.
The laundry breeds.
The car is in the shop...again..
My leg hair is getting thicker.
Don't even ask about the neck, chin & lip hair.
My back is whack.
Whine. Whine. Whine.
I must say...it's hard to see through blinding pain day after day. Pain makes me cranky. Pain makes me impatient. Pain makes me madder then a cat on fire.
Since I stopped working out...which was the single most stupid thing I have done in a long time.... I gave up...so has my back. For 4 months I have had Sciatica...every...dang-nab-it day.....four months.
Did you hear me? 4 months
So what sciatica is..is basically a mashed nerve that shoots pain from my arse straight down into my foot. At it's worse, the pain literally cripples me...at the least...it makes me want to chop my leg off. Really, I have thought...Just whack it off! But then...with my luck, I would probably have phantom pain & then I would just end up eating a bullet.
Yes, I have seen a back cracker. It was relaxing....but the thought of paying this man thousands of $ to crack my back & squeeze my butt (yeah...I totally get felt up...most enjoyable part !) takes any relaxing thoughts & beats them w/ a baseball bat. Plus...there is no proof that after I spend 1,000 of $$ it will work.
Yes, I work out...well more like grab my arse as I moan in pain as I try to move my body... in a way to ease the pain. If I work out 3 times a day, the pain can be bearable.
Yes, I hop myself up on Ibuprofen. But I find I need to up my dose every time just to be able to breath...so that's not working.
Yes, I have considered ingesting medical Mary Jane...Hey, it's an herb of the earth & it's safer then Vicodin or Oxycontin....but then again I am not a hippie & it's not legal in my state...whatever.
Yes, I eat lots of chocolate.
Sigh...what's a girl to do? Live like this forever? Holy crap I'm only 37! I can't bend over to put on my socks w/o pissing my pants from the pain!
So one day I talked to my religious leader. I call him The Man. Not as in "Sock to The Man, man..he sucks!" More like..."Golly he's the nicest Man in the world, man." I talk about my religious mind screws & he gives me hugs & candy. Pretty sweet deal. One day I was talking to The Man with my husband. As I sat in his office I asked...NAY Demanded he help my husband give me a blessing to relieve my pain.
So yeah...I am in that much pain. Anyone who knows me, knows I cock my eyebrow at spiritual healing stuff.
The Man & my husband agreed to give me some healing. Now do I believe that people can be healed by "laying on of hands"? Well, I have never seen the evidence, but I like to believe in the possibility. I am a pretty harsh critic when it comes to spiritual stuff.
But I trusted these guys & I thought..I need this or the LEG IS COMING OFF!
So what happens during a blessing is simple. The Man puts a drop of anointed Virgin Olive Oil on my head. Then resting his hands on my head he says my full name & "anoints" me with the oil. Then his hands are lifted for a second. Next, 4 hands are now placed on my head as the husband seals the anointing. The man sealing the anointing then says a non scripted prayer. He speaks as he is moved to & I sit there....all the while the hands of his friend rests on top of his.
I sit there with 4 warm hands on my head.
Big, man hands.
The words my husband speaks are simple & sweet. No revelation is spoken. No speaking in tongues. No lightning is shooting through my head. Just plain & simple words.
And I relish it.
I am struck by how lucky I am to have these hands perched on top of my head.
I am lucky to have these men in my life who are sweet & kind & funny.
I am lucky to know, if I ever suffer from pain of body, mind or spirit...there is always to safe place for me to land.
I am lucky that these men believe in God more then I do.
I am lucky they take my ranting with a grain of salt & a grain of fear.
I am lucky that these men help guide me when I am blinded.
I am lucky that I feel their love.
How many gals really know that the men in their lives love them?
That Sunday I got up from the chair after the blessing. My butt muscle seized like it always does....just to let me know my nerve is still damaged....but this time the only thing I was focused on was the faces of 2 really great guys. Just men. Just dudes, fellas, gents. No God stood before me. No kings. No rulers. Just 2 guys who loved me.
I really didn't care if I was healed or not. I cared more about the love these fellas pumped through my brain. I cared more that they believed.
Funny thing though. The next day I feel ill. Ya know the type... every-time-your-heart-pumps-the-blood-pounds-so-loud-in-your-head-you-want-to-scream ill. Then fever, shivering ill. Yeah. I know, RIGHT! After I just got a freak'n blessing! Not funny God! But as I broke down in tears about my sinus revolt & weeping that I can be sick AND have butt pain...the pain...went away. So for 2 days I was really sick. Sinus head pounding sick. But my back? Barely a throb. I didn't hobble to the bathroom. I could roll over in bed w/o out Lamaze breathing. I could sit w/o a knife in my back. I could stand up straight.
When my sinus pain went away...my butt/leg/foot pain came roaring back.
So my blessing? Well, I have chronic, searing, life altering back/butt/leg pain. Maybe w/ therapy & other treatments I will be able to get a handle on it. But the blessing is
I'm not alone.
And I happened to be surrounded by really, truly, lovely, funny, kind men. Men who take my kids out to hockey games. Men who can take a joke. Men who let me sing rock songs w/ them. Men who sit by me in the movies & offer me popcorn. Men who high 5 my daughters.
Men who who are not afraid to show me or my famliy love & feed me candy....
even when I swear, spit venom, dance like a wounded chicken....while clutching my butt for the world to see.
