You meet him back in this post. Pretty messed up fellow. A man I loved, then hated, then loved again. Brian was 15 when I was born & at 15 he started down the path of drug use.
I was 15 years old when Mom died. He staggered out of his hole to visit us & to say goodbye to mom.
After abusing drugs for 15 years, he died...alone, penniless, with just the clothes on his back, a duffle bag
& a picture of me....his only sibling.
I joined my church & started the search for my brother who died & was buried quickly without a care by his "father". We never saw his grave & we never cared enough to remember his death date. We only cared that he died after we buried Mom.
All my searches came up empty. I was told I would have to wait to baptize my brother after 101 years after his birth date. I ended up thinking that was just fine. One day he would be baptized, but not now.
Recently my son visited our Church's family history center. He told the story of Brian to the professionals. They had heard my story years ago, but this time....Sister Salt Lake decided to pull her weight & get this boy baptized.
My son EZ pulled me towards the history center & said Sister Salt Lake wanted to ask me more questions about Brian.
I sat infront of the computer screen & up popped my family history. I was asked
Are you the only one Brian has left? I assured them I was. His mother was dead. His father had been a raging drunk all his life & I had no idea where he was. It was just me...his sister...and a lost, probably dead father.
I watched as Sister Salt Lake typed away at the key board. She turned to me & said "You have permission to baptize him."
Wait....what? What about the 101 year rule?!
"They don't call me Sister Salt Lake for nothing! It's my call....you are his only surviving relative, so he's in your care now."
It was a surreal moment to be handed his temple approval slip. I didn't know whether to he happy (Yeah! It's over! All these years!) or really pissed off (Wait...all these years of searching & now rules are throw out the door?! )
The look on my sons excited face sealed the deal. He was pumped!
Today I took that slip of paper & drove 3 hours to the Temple. The night before I gave Ethan a picture of Brian & reminded him that this man lived. He was once living with me, annoying me, playing with me & begging me for forgiveness. He slipped the picture of Brian into his book. I slipped a picture of Brian into my purse...and off we went.
I battled with myself a little during the day. My faith lacks. I will forever question everything. But I remembered the dream I had of Brian all those years ago...the same dream my husband had of Brian in white, asking forgiveness & saying he was happy. Besides....this baptism is just an offer. If Brian wants it or not...whatever. It's his choice. If this church isn't true...whatever....we are remembering our dead & offering a hopeful gesture.
Today I mumble to Brian when got out of bed & again as I ate & again as I drove & again as I stood in the Temple,
Let yourself be known. Just let me feel you if this is ok. Maybe you are not there or maybe you don't care. Just throw me a bone. I'm tired of chasing you. I hope you are happy. Just know
I remember you.
