I am that women

I am her...who rants and screams and curses at this religion of mine.

I am she who shakes her fists at God and Yells "Answer ME!"

I am the one who throws her temple recommend at her Bishop. "take it...I don't want it."

I am the women who approaches Bishops, a Stake Patriarch, Stake Presidents, a director of Leadership Development for the Church, a Mission President....and asks them hard questions.  "Why?  How? Tell me more. Am I alone?"

I am that women who questions my faith.

I am her that has given up.

I am the one that struggles.

I am that women who questions.

I am she who puts one foot in front of the other.

I am the one who makes the choice to stay.

I am her that falls time & time again.

And when I fall....it is them.... who catch me.

They are the ones who say

"I don't know"

"How can I help?"

"Can I offer a suggestion?"

"Well...this is the gospel according to me, so take it with a grain of salt, but I offer it up to see if it will help."

"I'm sorry."

"I truly care for you."

They are the ones that pray for me, and pray with me.

They are the ones that look me in the eye.

They are the ones who put their arms around me & squeeze... like I am their scared sister.

I am that women who is lucky.

For I am surrounded by those who love me. Who pull me out of the mud. They let me yell & question, and rant, and rage. They do not punish me for my questions.

Through all the struggle...they surround me. Safe.

I am that women that holds them.... to me.

I am the one who can NOT do it alone. Who does not WANT to do it alone.

They are men.

I am the women who holds the power of the Priesthood.

I hold these men close to my heart.  I am told, that will make me weak.  I am told that makes me less.  I am told I could do better.

How could I do better?  Not only am I covered by the hands of my sisters, with their tears, kindness, friendship & understanding.....but I am covered by the hands of those men.  My brothers who struggle just like me.  Who want to help. Who care.

I am that women who stands at the edge.

And in each of my hands, rest the hands of those who hold me grounded. One hand is the women's, the other...the mans. I pull and fight, but their hands hold fast.  I don't want them to let go. These men and women allow me to struggle...but they don't let go.  These men and women work together to save me from the edge.

I am that women who holds the power of the Priesthood.  And to those men who bless my life with that Priesthood, you are kind, you are good, and you are loved. Don't let anyone tell you, you are less. Don't let anyone tell you I don't need you.

I am that women who needs the Priesthood, and I am the lucky one that is surrounded by it.