The Disturbing death - Part 4

My ears are buzzing. I hate when my ears buzz. That usually means I'm having a panic attack. I do my best to step out of the elevator into my new truth. My foot hits the tile and for some reason it feels like Jello.







Oh crap...I swear if I pass out 0n this tile floor in front of my dead mothers hospital room I will punch someone in the face!







I breath and recover what little stability I have left. The buzzing in my ears stop & now my head is filled with weird moan man cries coming from my father behind me. I'm too numb to turn to him & pretend I care. We both stand there dumbstruck. Slow motion in front of me 3 nurses leave my mothers room....weeping. A 4th. nurse pushes the crash cart out of Moms room. All 4 nurses look up to see us....then they promptly drop their heads & scurry by us.







Moms Dr. sees us from the the nurses station that he is sitting at. He jumps to his feet & runs to us. Runs. I step out of his way as he flings himself at my father. Both men begin to cry & hug & cry & hug.







All I want to do is take a nap...cuz this day sucks.







"I'm sorry, we did everything we could. Do you want to see her?" Dr Shapiro asks dad & I. Of course my dad says yes & starts to take my hand.







"No." is the only word that come out of my mouth. Dad tries to pull me along but I stand firm. "No way in hell am I going in that room." My Dad looks hurt. He doesn't want to leave me alone out here in the hall.







"Mom doesn't want me to see her that way."







Finally understanding he drops my hand and walks to my dead mothers room with Dr. S & a nurse holding him upright.







I am alone in the hall. I can see the nurses trying to look busy with tears in their eyes. Down the hall 2 cancer patients peek their heads out their doors to catch a glimpse of the train wreck. For a moment I hate them...intruding on my pain. But then I notice the nurse that makes her way over to them & hugs them both. The patients are crying. Are they crying because they are staring at their future?







Out of one of the rooms pops a women. "Oh dear Lord no." Is all I can think. The women moves closer. The buzzing returns. Run, my head screams, RUN! My brain has already high tailed it out of the hallway & down into the staircase. My brain didn't have the common decency to take my body with it. Closer & closer. The women descends. The ears.... buzzing. I can't handle this. Of all the people who want to comfort me...why did it have to be her?!







She is dressed all in black. Her tiny feet glide over the shiny tile. My dread turns to calm as I realize...she is laughing. The kind of laugh a women does as she sees an old friend. In a blink the tiny women is hugging me. "You must be Jennyyyyyy! I'm so happy to met youuuuuu! You are so cute! Gail said you were so cuteee. Look at you! Gail talked about you all the time!"







Half of my brain loved this old women instantly...praise the Lord she is the only one not weeping & being all depressing like. The other half of me wants to run screaming...because I can't handle tiny Catholic nuns hugging me. Nuns scare me. Nuns are dower & cold...well they are in movies. But here under my chin is Sister Iatearainbowforbreakfast. She squeezes me and pats me & hugs me & holds my hand. She says pretty things like "Oh my...your mother was such a naughty girl! She would sneak into patient rooms & tell them jokes. She had naughty jokes. Oh I loved her. Everyone loved her. She was so funnyyyyy!"

The little nun continues to coo over me while my father & I are brought back to a little office. There I sit with my dad, Mom's Dr. & Little Nun. I am in the room but all I see is Little Nun. I hear her chat to me softly about Mom's death. She is interpreting the big words the Dr. is saying to my Dad into little, easy words I can understand.

Mom's heart stopped. And that's what killed her. It just plume tuckered out.

Dr. & my Dad started to discuss autopsy & looking into why her heart stopped. Finding out what truly killed her that sunny July day.

My Little Nun echoed the exact words I was thinking. Quietly she whispered to me. "Oh for heavens sake. The cancer ran it's course. Hearts stop. Death comes to all of us. Goodness gracious...this isn't a crime scene. Gail died of cancer. Leave the poor girl alone. No sense in opening her up."

Her spunk that day made me what to become a nun. She, holding my hand, leaning close to my ear. Tiny little women getting all worked up over an autopsy. Soon I giggle.

Then I snort.

She snorts.

Full, gut busting laughs tumble out of us.

"Let's get out of here & let the men talk." She says through clenched teeth trying not to laugh.

Up on my feet she pulls me towards the door of the office. Soon I am free. Little Nun & I stand at the nurses desk with her arm around my waist. Nurses causally gather around us. Little Nun proudly tells them who I am.

"This is Jenny. Gail's daughter."

Tears tumble out. Hugs are given. Soon the sound of laughter wafts down the hall of the cancer wing. The stories begin.

"That Gail....always giving us trouble! She was the big joker of the floor. She was so naughty & so lovely. Did I ever tell you about the time she played a joke on nurse Jackson? Well......"