Beer Blessings

There is a joke I like to say about blessings.

 "If you need some blessings....drink a beer."

In the church we are encouraged to live healthy lifestyles.  No alcohol, no wacky tabacky, no coffee, no black tea.  Everything in moderation.  We can't drink, but we sure as heck can eat!  We love our food!

Anywho.  People who live in religion tend to become very paranoid....or was that just me?

 If I forget to pray over my food everyone will have the back house trots!

  If I don't pay my tithing (10% Sucka!  It's in the bible so don't be all like..."What?  Girl, I never heard of that!") my husband will lose his job & I will have to eat raw wheat for breakfast!


 If I skip church 1 Sunday I will have a crap week...& the dog will die & my husband will lose his job & I'll get the back house trots!!!!!

If I drink a beer my house will be sucked up in a tornado!

But truth be told.....many people who have left a church, drank that beer...they seemed to be blessed.  Blessed with money, better jobs, boats, nice hair & bigger boobs.

So my joke was always....drink a beer!  Car broke down & you have no $$?  Drink a beer!  You lost your job?...drink a beer!  Kid needs braces...drink a beer!

For so many years I lived with paranoia.  It started around 10 years old when my Mom got cancer.  I felt, as a young child, that somehow I could control how my mother felt by my actions.  If I wore a certain ring she would end up in the hospital.  If I wore my heart earrings she would get better.  Superstitious child grew up to become a paranoid adult women......who joined a religion!  Geez...you want crazy thoughts....try being in my head for a day!  God & paranoia walk hand in hand down the street!

So when I decided to walk away, I had a twinge of paranoia. 

"What if God punishes me & kills my whole family?"

Then I remembered my joke....drink a beer, blessings will come.

So I left in the most non-leaving way a girl could leave & I did

Not
drink
a
beer.

Because that would be lame & immature!  But I still left.

And wouldn't you know it?  Nothing bad happened.  In fact, I became lighter & happier & those paranoid thoughts...gone!

Most nights I didn't pray.  I didn't pay tithing.  I skipped church now & then.  I drank a coffee....on THE SABBATH!  Of course once I drank that coffee I laughed at myself for being a follower, a poser, a joiner & plain silly.  Then I dumped the gross coffee mostly full in a garbage can & realised how much I liked Postum & Teeccino.  And dang it....I was gonna drink Postum instead of coffee because it was healthier & I liked it!  Flame away baby....I like POSTUM! (chilled & drenched in evaporated milk/ condensed milk over ice....heck....yeah!)

                                            Hello my darling!  Everything tastes better in a mason jar!

I drank the proverbial beer & I was still alive.  My family was still happy.  I had wicked awesome friends.  I still had some of the same day to day problems.  I still was angry at God.  I questioned the existence of Jesus Christ.  I still cared about church issues. I was still me, just without all the religious superstitions that strangled me.  I felt free to question, to doubt, to be angry, then to forget it & move on.

And yes, I was blessed too.  My husband got raises.  I got a job.  My kids were awesome.  I traveled & played more with the kids.  And my hair......looked pretty damn fine if I say so myself!

See....proof my hair didn't fall out during my wondering out in the wilderness of disbelief!