Didn't wear tampons till I was 15 cuz my Mom told me I would get TSS & die.
Didn't like to take pain medication like Tylenol or Ibuprofen in the 80's because Mom said I would be poisoned & die
Had 4 babies...3 of them drug free.
Uses a neti pot...Sick invention that sometimes work...but always makes a mess & gags me.
Eats raw garlic when I feel a cold coming on...then my farts & sweat smell like garlic...sexyyyy.
Used FAM (Fertility Awareness Method) for birth control successfully for 9 years cuz you know, BC is of the devil & makes me cranky & moody.
Goes to the Chiropractor when my back is wonky.
Has breastfed for a total of 73 months.
Used cloth diapers.
Does/did yoga.
Thinks positive thinking can ease pain.
Exercise will make all your aches & pains go away.
Sniffs eucalyptus oil when I get a sinus infection.
Ahhh, yep...that's me! Crunchy girl!
Oh how young & stupid I was. Yeah crunch worked...when I had no real problems! I was the girl telling people that if they put their mind to it they could achieve a healthy drug free birth, pain free nursing, a healthy body & mind, & goop free sinus.
To all those people....I was YOUNG & STUPID.....forgive me!
Now at the ripe o' age of 38...I have learned my lesson. Drugs are good! Sometimes positive thinking can't change your health!
Uggg, I'm the girl who judged harshly those trollops that got an IUD shoved up into their lady parts. For SHAME! Putting a foreign object into ones cavity! Insanity!
Yeah....then I went into peri menopause & bled buckets for 10 days a month. Oh yeah...I battle mental illness that didn't go away w/ yoga & positive thinking...so the thought of having another spawn had me day dreaming of how I was going to kill myself.
I was the girl who"humfpt" when young moms wanted nothing to do w/ a drug free birth. Why would they want to deny their baby the gift of a drug free birth? (note to reader....I had that thought for less then a year....cuz then I started actually WORKING with birthing moms. And birth %&$#ing hurts!) Then I got pregnant w/ my 4th & my body broke down. That birth was 25 hours long & very VERY painful.
Rolled my eyes at the fear mongers who said that we should fear the flu. "the sky is falling! Get a flu shot or go see your Dr!" Fevers are good, they help your body kill off the infections. Raw garlic & large doses of vit C will take care of things.
Then I got walking pneumonia (thought it was just the flu), cracked my ribs from coughing for 3 months. Then finally crawled into prompt care screaming "give me drugs, DRUGS!" I could hear the Dr. reading my nose culture in the hallway. He actually said "holy S&%$, this ain't the flu!" This no named Dr, who I grew up to think didn't care (Some Dr's are evil, but not all) held my shoulders, looked into my eyes, told me I was very sick & I must take these drugs. If I don't get better in 24 hours I had to go straight to the ER. Pneumonia can kill quickly. I remember the fear in his face. Then I remember nothing for a few hours as I convulsed in pain & fever....reeking of garlic. Hearing my husband say it smelled like death in our bedroom.
10 hours later I came back to earth. The drugs working their magic. Me realising what I fool I was for nearly killing myself.
That was the day the crunch....got punched in the face.
I now have a herniated disc, spinal stenosis & severe sciatica......Let me just say, all those years of "baby wearing" shot my back to hell. Dang babies! They look cute but deep down inside they only live to destroy & maim!
For almost 6 moths I have done "physical therapy" at home. I did back exercises twice a day. I sleep on my side now ...which I HATE. I breath deeply & meditate. I even saw a chiro. ...who worked on me for about a month & saw me worsen...then promptly told me "Maybe it's time to try an MRI & drugs."
My pain has worsened so much I now take Vicoden. Yeah...me...the chick who does acupressure on myself for headaches instead of popping pills. A month ago I had to leave my job. I never walk off a job. But 2 hours into cleaning I started to panic from the pain. The pain making me want to vomit. Soon my leg wouldn't move. I found myself on the marble bathroom floor trying not to scream out from the devil grip on my leg.
And so that's my life. Caught somewhere between face down on my friends carpet shaking in agony, sweating, howling to God to kill me & pissing myself in my bed because once I lay down I can no longer move. (don't worry, I use real, old lady "oops I crapped my pants" pee pads.....I don't crochet my own!)
But fear not! I am on my way into surgery! With a Mayo (& not the kind you spread on bread) trained Dr!
A real Dr!A Dr. with drugs! (For SHAME!)
A Dr. with tools (Rub some garlic on your arse!)
A Dr. who can slice into my spine! (But that's not the way nature intended!)
A Dr. who will bill me an arm & a leg...& I won't care! (positive thoughts are free!)
Oh yes my friends...this girl has gone
MAINSTREAM!
I'm kick'n the crunch to the curb & embracing Doctor MAGIC!
Next....I will shop at the MALL instead of Goodwill!
So my friends, I will return after my evil surgery to report how it worked. Wish me luck. Sprinkle me with fairy dust. Dance around The Burning Man. Howl at the moon. Or....just pray for me. And if anyone needs some cloth menstrual pads or a neti pot....come on over. I'll trade those things for Vicoden!
4 comments:
My prayers are with you! And don't beat yourself up about the crunchy stuff, we are all THERE at some point in our lives.
P.S. I sometimes still won't take pain meds. That in itself is an illness.
I hope this works for you and you feel better quickly! Guess you'll have to find that even ground between crunch, and drugs!
While you are in the hospital, I'll go and watch and episode of that show about interventions, so when you are addicted to Vicodin, Stacey and I can throw you an intervention party. Kristen will bring the cake!
Hey-I just want you to live your semi-crunchy life pain free. I will pray that is what happens.
Sending you lots of love! (but not crunchy love, modern civilized love.) :)
Call me when you are ready for the mall!!!!
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