My friends wake & funeral was surreal, painful, funny, touching & just plain awful. When I walked into the the parlor with my Dad, I saw my dear friend & her parents. I did screech and clap my hands at the sight of her. We both did the happy dance at the sight of one another. We forgot, for a moment what this reunion was for. As I walked over to her, our giggles turned to sobs. Our faces mimicked the horror in each others faces. By the time I reached her, we were both in full blown wailing mode. I clung to her little body & moan over & over again "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" Soon her father joined us & wrapped us both in his lanky arms & he cried into the top of my head. Her mom clung to my waist. We were a pathetic, weepy, wailing burrito of sorrow. Brandy would have rolled her eyes at the theatrics!
The crying settled & we peeled ourselves off of each other. Her sister took my hand & turned me toward Brandy, "go on & say Hi."
I don't remember walking up to her casket, but the next thing I knew I was awkwardly hunched over her casket (damn kneeling pew in my way) clutching a lock of her black hair & patting her shoulder. I'm sure my Dad was thinking I was going to climb in with her! I was shocked at how good she looked. She looked like she was sleeping. Her make up just right (well the coral lipstick did her no justice. She doesn't wear coral lipstick! Arrggg, I squashed the urge to pull out my own lipstick. Really....coral?) My 35 year old rational brain drained out of my ears & all that was left was my 8 year old self, shacking her shoulder & patting her face trying to wake her up.
I finally manged to have some decorum & lower my knees to the pew in front. Still confused, I rub her, thinking that would wake her up. Her mother wailing " her little friend from school, her little friend." made me cry more. After a few minutes of talking to Brandy, I regained my earthy self & remembered that she is gone. She is just a pretty shell that once housed her noble, sweet, smart & fierce spirit. Poor Brandy, her lock of hair soaked with so many tears.
I stayed 4 hours with the family that night. Drained of all joy, I watched over Brandy & her family.
The day of the burial was brutally cold. The drive to the burial grounds was quiet & reflective. Kindness was shown. To the man who accidentally pulled out in front of the caravan then quickly pulled over, mouthing sorry & waving. The construction worker who removed his hat & stopped traffic in an intersection to wave us through. To the friends & strangers who linked arms walking to the site. People united in grief rubbing backs, holding hands & offering a sad smile. Death makes us remember we are all in this life together. No matter who we are or what we are. Life is short, we need to care & tend to one anther. Lift each others burdens & make our presence known to each other.
I don't want to live with anymore regrets. I don't want friends to slip through the cracks, promptings to go unheard, jaded thoughts, lazy intentions. I don't want to endure to the end, but rejoice to the end.
Dearest Brandy, thank you for your friendship. I'm sorry you had to go so soon. You are healthy. You are happy. You are well taken care of. Those who you unwilling left behind are the one's who I feel sorry for. We will do our best to live a life that is noble, kind & happy. Then one day, I hope to see you again. You'll squeeze my neck & this time your hair will be soaked with tears of happiness, not sorrow.
1 comment:
From someone that you have cared and tended to, and haven't let slip through the cracks (despite my really wanting to at times), thank you.
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