Satan's preferred bodily fluid...vomit

The Purple juice letting happened on a Thursday. Juice every where, but by the grace of OxiClean...most of the stains were removed.

The pitcher of "DEVIL JUICE" was still in the fridge in the morning. Friday morning. I was too mad at it to serve the rest for dinner....so it laid in wait for me...knowing I would summons it. Now I will say, I heard my thoughts-Holy Ghost-Intuition-Murphy's Law-Fairie voices (whatever you want to call it) say to me

"Throw out the juice...do it now."

But me being frugal, stubborn & irritated that my head was talking to itself...did not throw away the juice. It was brand new juice. I can't just dump a pitcher full of juice down the drain...what a waste!

My bad.

I should have listen.

But Nay...I didn't.

& I was punished!!!

Mid morning, Friday...in the mist of kids running around my house screaming (they had no school that day & every vagabond was in my house) My 3 year old daughter asked for a cup of juice.

"Don't DO IT!'

Shut up voice...go yell at these kids in my house to GET OUT because I'm too tired.

I pour my daughter a cup of juice, she drinks it, puts the cup on the table & goes on her merry way....into the basement...where there is new carpet. 4 minutes later I here "ummmmm, Mrs. M.....your kid just barfed every where...& it's PURPLE."

DANG NAB IT!

Sure enough as I head out of my bedroom I hear my charming trucker of a daughter upchuck on my stairs. As I enter the hallway, I see her...in slow motion...run down the hall towards the bathroom. She projectile vomits all over the floor & wall. Purple grape juice vomit everywhere. Now remember, she is RUNNING down the hall (with wood flooring) as she vomits.....she then runs through the vomit, slips & slides through the trail of vomit, ending up belly first....in vomit. She essentially covers her whole body with....vomit. Like how a dog rolls around in a dead, smelly carcass of a dead smelly animal....yeah...it was great.

I scoop her up & plop her in the bathroom to have her refuse to puke in the nice clean toilet, so I bent her over the bath tub to let lose another torrent of vomit...all over the bath toys.

I shiver when I think of the wake of torment she left all over the house.

At this time..all the dang nab it kids & their friends want lunch. I....b.l.e.w. my lid.

"YOU... DON'T leave this bathroom."!
"YOU!... You want food...get..it..yourself...or...go...home.!"
"YOU!... Get your own food or go to his house to eat his food!"
"All of you...don't...come...near...the...vomit. Don't talk about the vomit. Don't look at the vomit. No more TALKING!"

A neighborhood boys asks. "what can I do for you?"

I say "ya can shot me in the head." (probably not the most grown up thing to say to a 11 year old.)

Neighborhood boy "You're funny Mrs. M. No really. Let me help you. I'll feed all the kids."
So crazy, loud, most of the time annoying neighborhood boy wrangles all the kids. Helps with my sons to make lunch. Then herds everyone outside...to leave me with peace...& vomit..& a crying 3 year old bent over the bathtub.

At that moment I felt relief. I felt even..dare I say it..loved. My daughter needed me. The crazy neighborhood kid respected me enough to help. And my sons entertained their other sister so I could clean.

AND clean I did. I even calmed down enough when neighborhood kid came back in the house & asked if he could clean the vomit...(because he knew how) I was able to tell him "I can do it Sweetie..thanks for helping with the kids."

So if you hear that still small voice to throw away the juice...DO IT. Take the neighborhood kid up on his offer to help. And take the bath toys out of the bathtub...just in case. The fight with the purple grape juice ended after I threw it out. Although my battle with vomit waged on...for 3 more days.

Lesson learned...no more purple grape juice!

Satans preferred drink...grape juice.

It started as a small spot. My eyes went right to it. A small PURPLE drop...on my couch. 100% PURPLE grape juice. Terror struck my bones as my eyes were drawn to another splotch on the couch pillow...Then to the horizontal blinds....then to the floor...then to the coffee table legs.....Sweet Mother of Colonel Munster!



The kids...with sippy cups...running free in my house. What horrors have they unleashed? I found the culprits down stairs, playing with cars, dinosaurs & Polly Pockets...their sippy cups lay on the carpet. Calmly I told them sippy cups must remain upstairs. They pretended not to hear me & I walked away with the blood pounding in my head.



Upstairs...more carnage. 100% PURPLE grape juice trailed down the hall. The juice was splattered up my door. "How the he$$ did that happened?" I studied the door & imagined the CSI team reenacting how the juice was flung & at what velocity. My room....juice splashed up the wall, closet door & on my bed spread. Little sprays of juice...as if some one had stabbed a chicken as it flew around the room.



Not done....



My daughter's bedroom...on the blankets, the clump of cloths on the floor, pillow case & the bed skirt (really, the bed skirt? How did that happen?!)



Holding back tears I stomped through the house dropping all kinds of F bombs & muttering under my breath all sorts of words that would make my merchant marine father quite proud. Only to pull the mask of composure over my face when a stray 2 year old wandered upstairs to get a snack



I set to work cleaning the offending stains. Much to my relief... most of the juice can out. All thanks to praying, swearing, cursing, cold water, hydrogen peroxide, spray in wash, more swearing & Oxyclean. The walls & doors are permanently stained...but as long as I don't look at them, I can't see the stains!



At lunch I made a point not to serve the kidlets 100% PURPLE grape juice or put anything in sippy cups. The juice was safe in the fridge, where it could harm no more...or could it?









Note to self....when you hear a little voice in your head saying "Hey.....heyyyyy, throw away the juice! Pour it down the drain...do it nowwwwwww"





Don't ignore it












You will regret it












BADLY







Listen to the voice!











But that's a story for another day.

I hate school free days!

I'm hiding again. Huddled in the basement w/ the computer trying not to scream. I'm not good at this thing called motherhood. I'm not good at being the helpful neighbor.

Ya know, you grow up thinking you'll be this way or that. I'll be patient. I'll be caring. I'll be a great leader. But then I grew up. I became none of those things. What I became was a girl, raging in the basement at the fact that the neighbor kid is eating all my food & there is not enough room in the freak'n kitchen for 7 people to get their lunch ready!

My husband & I always said that we wanted OUR house to be the neighborhood hang out. We wanted to keep an eye on the kids. We wanted to be involved in the neighborhood.

But now....I want all the kids OUT!

They eat my food because their parents don't feed them. They make so much noise I fear the rest of the neighborhood hates me. I feel like I'm being pushed out of my own house! I can't even get to the fridge to feed my OWN kids!

I'm not like this all the time. But summer comes & I pray for the chance to move far out into the country...where no one can run through my house & eat all my food!

So whats a mom to do? I crave solitude. i thrive on calm & silence (note to self, you want quiet...don't pop out 4 kids!) But I also know that I'm suppose to be welcoming & supportive to the neighborhood.....I'm just tired of being the ONLY one! So I set up rules. No kids Tuesday & Thursday. Use walky talkies to keep in touch when you play around the neighborhood. 2 quite hours happen everyday. Don't go into this house or that house, they like to watch porn. Be mindful of the neighbors. Don't scream at the top of your lungs till your eyes bleed. Don't do this, Do that...bla, bla bla.

But some days...rules break down. I break down. 2 many kids. 2 dirty of a house. 2 many neighbors that don't give a crap about their kids. No place to hide.

I can't wait till next school season!