I'm hiding again. Huddled in the basement w/ the computer trying not to scream. I'm not good at this thing called motherhood. I'm not good at being the helpful neighbor.
Ya know, you grow up thinking you'll be this way or that. I'll be patient. I'll be caring. I'll be a great leader. But then I grew up. I became none of those things. What I became was a girl, raging in the basement at the fact that the neighbor kid is eating all my food & there is not enough room in the freak'n kitchen for 7 people to get their lunch ready!
My husband & I always said that we wanted OUR house to be the neighborhood hang out. We wanted to keep an eye on the kids. We wanted to be involved in the neighborhood.
But now....I want all the kids OUT!
They eat my food because their parents don't feed them. They make so much noise I fear the rest of the neighborhood hates me. I feel like I'm being pushed out of my own house! I can't even get to the fridge to feed my OWN kids!
I'm not like this all the time. But summer comes & I pray for the chance to move far out into the country...where no one can run through my house & eat all my food!
So whats a mom to do? I crave solitude. i thrive on calm & silence (note to self, you want quiet...don't pop out 4 kids!) But I also know that I'm suppose to be welcoming & supportive to the neighborhood.....I'm just tired of being the ONLY one! So I set up rules. No kids Tuesday & Thursday. Use walky talkies to keep in touch when you play around the neighborhood. 2 quite hours happen everyday. Don't go into this house or that house, they like to watch porn. Be mindful of the neighbors. Don't scream at the top of your lungs till your eyes bleed. Don't do this, Do that...bla, bla bla.
But some days...rules break down. I break down. 2 many kids. 2 dirty of a house. 2 many neighbors that don't give a crap about their kids. No place to hide.
I can't wait till next school season!
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4 comments:
You should get into the in-home daycare/preschool business too! Wait...sounds like you already are!
I am afraid that other people's kids bug me, too. Not yours, of course! I was just thinking about this last night. I was always at my neighbor's house and her mom seemed fine with it and seemed to even like me. How did she do it?
I agree. I like my kids going to school. I wonder about those mom's that LOVE their children home. Are they crazy or am I...
I only like the planned. I cringe when the doorbell rings unexpectedly. I have always thought the same thing about wanting my house to be the place to hang out but I meant it for when they are older and just like to sit in front of the T.V. and are self-sufficient. I am sure that is what you meant too.
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