Undecided

So yaaaahhhhhh, I'm totally bang'n my head against the wall with this election. I am officially undecided. Some days (well most days) I feel like no matter what I do, nothing matters. This country is going to hell in a hand basket, so what's the point. Should I vote for dumb or dumber or throw away my vote in protest. . I mean realllyyyy... these 2 goons are the BEST we got?! How scary is that?!


Being as confused & beat down as I was, I decided to spend a beautiful, sunny fall day at the lovely Sugar Grove. They had a rock'n fall festival shaking up the prairie. Nature... Gods chill pill to us all. I enjoyed the wonder of the land. I left my troubled mind in my mini van. I just came to be. Not think, just be. Be apart of a little slice of prairie heaven. Fall is such a beautiful time. I looked around & a tear came to my eye as I smelled the campfire smoke, heard the children's sequels of joy. Every where around me was a harvest of beauty. Pumpkins, Red trees, apple cider, John McCain, blue grass music, birds...wait....John McCain? What the he#$?!




DUDE! Stop stalking me! Dam it! Can't I get away for just a freak'n minute! All I wanted was a little time away from the reality. Can't I enjoy Fall without the candidates following me? Arrggggg! Go AWAY! Yea, I know the election is right around the corner! Yes, you want my vote..but really? Really! Its important bla, de bla, bla BLAAAAAA! Everyone says "oh, just a few more weeks & all this election coverage will be over & we can get back to our normal routines." Ummmm earth to R'tard......after this election...there will be no such thing as "getting back to normal."
Mark my words, after this election this country will be more divided then it has been in a long time. Di-vid-edd-dd. That's not good. There will be an Us against Them mentality that will only heighten as time goes by.

I tried to ask Mr. McCain how he will unite the country. He just told me George Washington had really bad teeth. I asked him how he would protect our country. He showed me his gun.

I tried to have him talk to me about his politics, he just got all shifty eyed & panicky. I then got really frustrated that he wouldn't answer my questions. He just rattled on about "cow knees", Small Pox's & Hippo Ivory. Needless to say, John was not going to answer my questions. Its not that I would believe him anyway. I wouldn't believe Obama either if he showed up in buckskins & flannel.

The frustration was too much to handle. My beautiful Fall day was ruined..RUINED (stomp, stomp, stomp!) There was only one thing to do...I beat myself in the head with these until I went numb.

Although, maybe it was the tazer I was shot w/ that numbed me...or the tranquilizer I was given in the jail cell. Either way, I'm calm now.

Can someone post my bail please?

I just want to thank Mister McCain look alike. He really was sweet & did a great job teaching us about what a frontier man needed as he wanders the land. I do love history & I'm a sucker for a man in buck skins. Please, don't be discouraged that you look a little like McCain. You, my friend are way smarter & cuter then he.

The Nap aka "Bury my head in the sand."

• Life has gotten me down or rather, life is nucking futs! Let me explain. Everyday my little, "special" brain is bombarded by messages. Like a constant, annoying drip of water...messages eat away at me. You'd think a drop of water here or there wouldn't hurt. Not so! Drops of water have been known to soak through precious memories, destroy under the cabinet contents, rust pipes, drive a sleeping camper nuts, overflow a sink, drops of water have been used to torture people! Drops of water over time can corrupt, destroy & maim. My poor brain has said ENOUGH! I am done! I am truly sick (my throat is starting to hurt) & tired (I dream of sleep even when I am sleeping!) of these messages, drip, drip, drip, drip! I should do this & that. Vote yes or no, good or bad, black or white or grey, up or down, gay or straight, dog or cat, atheist or religion, hot or cold, stupid or smart, milk or juice, run or hide, meat or veggies....ARRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!
  
  No more. No more. I need to think for myself. And the way I need to do this is turn off the damn t.v, computer, radio, burn the newspaper, magazines & newsletters. Quiet. I need quiet from the world. I want to scream "shut the f up!" from my roof top (although that would confirm to my neighbors I'm nuts. I'd hate to see that happen!) Just...be...quiet. Life is filled with so much background noise I can't think straight!
  
  So I combat this crappy noise with my one great super power....NAP. Almost everyday I take a nap w/ my daughter. She & I curl up in bed with a good book ( a book I've read over & over again Oye!) I wrap her up in her blanket, She sucks her nap time paci (yeah, she's 3, shut up!) She tangles her fingers in my hair. We sleep.
  
  Here in Sleep, politicians can't yell at me, schools can't beg me for money, special interest groups can't con me. Here in Sleep I bury my head in the sand. I save myself from the drops of water that slowly eat away at my brain & heart & soul. Some say I'm lazy, Some shake their finger at me & say "you have a duty to keep up on world events", some are disappointed in me. To that I say. "You all want your voice to be heard, I understand that. I want to be heard too, but no one can hear me over this constant din of noise y'all have created. So I raise my voice & raise it & raise it, until I then discover... I have no voice left. I have screamed so long & so hard that over time I have become muted. This was your plan the whole time. To silence me. To over power me with your screeching "here me now, but I don't have to listen to you." demands. My voice is resting. Its not totally gone. One day, I will be back to quietly push my causes. Silently ...I will kick your a$$."
  
  Until that time, I nap with my daughter. Her fingers tangled in my hair. I go to a better place inside of myself. A quiet place of understanding. A place I can hear my OWN thoughts. I recharge & reclaim. I sleep.
  
  
  

Warning, you will be drugged, raped, killed, raised from the dead. Have a nice day!

Women! There are bad men waiting for you to walk out of your house, car, shopping mall, gas station, strip joint, school so they can drug, rape, stab, gas, kidnap, kill you. You must be warned! Please go home & wrap yourself in a bubble wrap blanket, call the cops & cower in the corner!

Can someone please tell me what year it is. 1999? 1899? 2001? Oh....wait....I think it's 2008. Yep, it's 2008. In 1992 the World-Wide Web was released by CERN. So children, the Internet has been in the homes for 16 YEARS. SIXTEEN YEARS!!!! Around that time the email was created for use in the home (actually Email is much older than the Internet. It was never invented; it evolved from very simple beginnings & by 1974 there were hundreds of military users of email) If the Internet & email have been around for all those years....pray tell, why people still send me hoax's, lies, stories & false warnings?! Seriously, why does this happen? If you are a new Internet user, I'll cut ya some slack. But there is no excuse for well seasoned Internet-ers to be forwarding, pasting, linking me to stupid stories.

Now don't get me wrong, 90% of the time, I actually like getting those silly emails with undisclosed addressed attached to them. Because I take it upon myself to actually do the leg work to find out what is true & what is false. If the story is true I say "wow, that's neat!" & promptly move on with my life. If it is false (which 99.9% of the time it is) I then will hit REPLY ALL & school ya' ll on the history of superstitions, tall tails & outright lies!

Now, I NEVER forward a story if it is not true. I always check my facts first. That's what a good detective does (Nancy Drew to the rescue!) Checking facts can be daunting, I know. But if you want to save the world, you have to put a little elbow grease into it. So now you ask "Oh, Wise one, how can I check my facts & rid the world of heinous, bogus email chains, forward warnings, stories & other assorted crap?" Have no fear young one, I shall take you step by step through the rigorous work of fact checking.

#1 Go to the bathroom & get a snack...this can take awhile.
#2 Turn on your computer
#3 Now comes the hard part...type in http://www.snopes.com/ in your search engine. If you don't know what a search engine is, then you need to step away from the computer & take a computer class at your local pre-school!
#4 Really hard part now...ready? Type in the main words to the story into the little box that says SEARCH. The Pink, Fluffy Bunny Gasser or Toenail Clipping Clipper or Boob Pinching Escaped Zoo Turtle...you get the picture. If I have lost you, see #3.
#5 Sit & wait 1.4 seconds for the program to do all the work for you.
#6 As you wait 1.4 seconds feel free to take a bite of your snack.
#7 Wipe hands, you don't want crumbs gumming up your computer keys.
#8 Now find the story that matched the email you got.
#9 READ IT.


Congratulations, you just graduated from Corn Fed Girl's school for computer fact finding! This fact checking can take any where from 10 seconds to 5 minute depending how fast your computer works. Isn't 5 minutes of your time worth it? Now you can either enjoy the safety tip or you can call out all your friends who just proved they are too lazy to fact check or are fear mongers! Awesome!

Isn't this "Internet" thing neat?! You can learn so much & it's pretty easy to do. So pass on the wisdom, stop the irrational fear & enjoy your day! Oh yeah, If your wondering how I got so smart about the history of the Internet, you need to know I was born w/ a gift. A gift of Internet searching. Really, you should try it. You can learn about anything on this thing. Great invention! I give it a thumbs up!

One more rant. Do you notice that most of the Internet hoax's are aimed towards women? We love women as victims don't we?! Think about that for a minute. Tell me why you think that is. I have my own theories, but I'm tired of listening to the voice in my head.

Well, I'm off to enjoy my day. I'll probably go shopping w/ my high back work boots on (no Achilles slashing for me!) Gloves ( wouldn't want to touch that poisoned paper!), gas mask (I don't want to smell free perfume samples thank you very much!),Glasses (I'd hate to get squirted in the eye by a fake flower filled w/ death poison). I'll ride my bike so no one can hide in my back seat as I take that suspicious paper off my windshield. But wait...then I'll be targeted by a man who can't put his groceries in his trunk. Aw geezzz, I better bring my knife so I can cut my ties as I'm stuffed into that trunk. Oh forget it! I'm staying home! But I won't answer the door or the phone or open the window or flush the toilet or eat that coffee cake my neighbor gave me or breath.

The Fix

It was a good day for a fix. Sun was shining, a soft breeze-a-blow'n. Very fine day indeed. I had heard about the "product" through the grapevine. Peeps told me it was good, it was life giving, soul stretching. I was hesitant to partake. I didn't want to get addicted especially in this financial climate. I knew I could get hooked fast. Then I would need it. All.. the.. time. I envisioned my pocket book drained,my children crying, begging me to stop.

I told myself I wouldn't let "it" have power over me. I would rule my addictions, the addictions would not rule me! But still, I had to have a taste. Test my boundaries, push my limits. Live on the edge.

As I walked up to the pick up point, the smell in the air smacked me in the face. I could hear the wind tell me to turn back, I would not be strong enough. I sucked that smell into my brain & pushed through the crowd. "I can do this" I chanted in my head. I refused to listen to that wind. Wind don't got not'n on me!

As I walked, I saw "her". The Pusher. I locked eyes w/ the beast. Oh yes, she was a beast! I could see the danger lurking under her soft, light brown hair, round brown eyes, & soft shoulders. She didn't fool me! She looked sweet almost saintly on the outside, but I knew on the inside...... she was a cold, blackened spirit. We stood facing each other. Our eyes never blinking. I wasn't scared "Bring it beeyach!"

She offered me samples...thinking she could lure me into her twisted world. Her big eyes blinking innocently (or blinking because of the flies of death zipping around her head!) "I can do this...live on the edge Baby!" I sang in my head as I reached for her poison.

I will have you know, I sampled.... oh yes...I sampled. I took again & again. My veins screamed for mercy but her poison was too much for me. The wind mocked me! My head screamed! I was out of my mind, crazed... CRAZED! I grabbed 3 baggies & a brick of the stuff. My body was now in control, my mind was lost. Soon, my Pusher had drained my pocket book. I lost. I lost the battle.

Days are now spent w/ me crouched in a corner w/ my fingers picking out the devil candy from the baggie. I dream of the stuff. I hear it talk to me, begging me to let it relieve my aches & pains. The curds of hell squeaking in my teeth, melting on my tongue, seeping into my blood. I am lost.

The "Pusher"

Her eyes can't hide the Beast inside!

She recruits her minions young. This one is only a week old. Sick.

My down fall. Natural Cheddar Cheese (won 1st. place in the state fair, Pure evil) Bacon Horseradish Garlic Cheddar, Tomato Basil Garlic & Smoked Gouda

Yeah, sure, Devil Cow sure looks cute on that label. She's still a DEVIL COW! Curse you Ropp Jersey Cheese Makers! You hooked another soul! Even my children are hooked! Good Gourd people...CHILDREN?!!!!!