Warning, you will be drugged, raped, killed, raised from the dead. Have a nice day!

Women! There are bad men waiting for you to walk out of your house, car, shopping mall, gas station, strip joint, school so they can drug, rape, stab, gas, kidnap, kill you. You must be warned! Please go home & wrap yourself in a bubble wrap blanket, call the cops & cower in the corner!

Can someone please tell me what year it is. 1999? 1899? 2001? Oh....wait....I think it's 2008. Yep, it's 2008. In 1992 the World-Wide Web was released by CERN. So children, the Internet has been in the homes for 16 YEARS. SIXTEEN YEARS!!!! Around that time the email was created for use in the home (actually Email is much older than the Internet. It was never invented; it evolved from very simple beginnings & by 1974 there were hundreds of military users of email) If the Internet & email have been around for all those years....pray tell, why people still send me hoax's, lies, stories & false warnings?! Seriously, why does this happen? If you are a new Internet user, I'll cut ya some slack. But there is no excuse for well seasoned Internet-ers to be forwarding, pasting, linking me to stupid stories.

Now don't get me wrong, 90% of the time, I actually like getting those silly emails with undisclosed addressed attached to them. Because I take it upon myself to actually do the leg work to find out what is true & what is false. If the story is true I say "wow, that's neat!" & promptly move on with my life. If it is false (which 99.9% of the time it is) I then will hit REPLY ALL & school ya' ll on the history of superstitions, tall tails & outright lies!

Now, I NEVER forward a story if it is not true. I always check my facts first. That's what a good detective does (Nancy Drew to the rescue!) Checking facts can be daunting, I know. But if you want to save the world, you have to put a little elbow grease into it. So now you ask "Oh, Wise one, how can I check my facts & rid the world of heinous, bogus email chains, forward warnings, stories & other assorted crap?" Have no fear young one, I shall take you step by step through the rigorous work of fact checking.

#1 Go to the bathroom & get a snack...this can take awhile.
#2 Turn on your computer
#3 Now comes the hard part...type in http://www.snopes.com/ in your search engine. If you don't know what a search engine is, then you need to step away from the computer & take a computer class at your local pre-school!
#4 Really hard part now...ready? Type in the main words to the story into the little box that says SEARCH. The Pink, Fluffy Bunny Gasser or Toenail Clipping Clipper or Boob Pinching Escaped Zoo Turtle...you get the picture. If I have lost you, see #3.
#5 Sit & wait 1.4 seconds for the program to do all the work for you.
#6 As you wait 1.4 seconds feel free to take a bite of your snack.
#7 Wipe hands, you don't want crumbs gumming up your computer keys.
#8 Now find the story that matched the email you got.
#9 READ IT.


Congratulations, you just graduated from Corn Fed Girl's school for computer fact finding! This fact checking can take any where from 10 seconds to 5 minute depending how fast your computer works. Isn't 5 minutes of your time worth it? Now you can either enjoy the safety tip or you can call out all your friends who just proved they are too lazy to fact check or are fear mongers! Awesome!

Isn't this "Internet" thing neat?! You can learn so much & it's pretty easy to do. So pass on the wisdom, stop the irrational fear & enjoy your day! Oh yeah, If your wondering how I got so smart about the history of the Internet, you need to know I was born w/ a gift. A gift of Internet searching. Really, you should try it. You can learn about anything on this thing. Great invention! I give it a thumbs up!

One more rant. Do you notice that most of the Internet hoax's are aimed towards women? We love women as victims don't we?! Think about that for a minute. Tell me why you think that is. I have my own theories, but I'm tired of listening to the voice in my head.

Well, I'm off to enjoy my day. I'll probably go shopping w/ my high back work boots on (no Achilles slashing for me!) Gloves ( wouldn't want to touch that poisoned paper!), gas mask (I don't want to smell free perfume samples thank you very much!),Glasses (I'd hate to get squirted in the eye by a fake flower filled w/ death poison). I'll ride my bike so no one can hide in my back seat as I take that suspicious paper off my windshield. But wait...then I'll be targeted by a man who can't put his groceries in his trunk. Aw geezzz, I better bring my knife so I can cut my ties as I'm stuffed into that trunk. Oh forget it! I'm staying home! But I won't answer the door or the phone or open the window or flush the toilet or eat that coffee cake my neighbor gave me or breath.